By Morgan O'Donnell - Red Raven Circling
I’ve been reading job ads and descriptions for a while now and I can tell you one thing for sure—the word “multitask” is burned into my retinas. It is so bad that I am considering petitioning my Congressman to pass a law striking it from the English language. “Fast-paced” is another term that seems to be overused in job descriptions.
Seriously, don’t all the ads start to sound the same after awhile? Not to mention, most of the descriptions want a superwoman (or man), diva, guru, master, or possibly a former Jedi knight. In the meantime, all these companies offer is a “competitive” salary and hopefully semi-decent health coverage, not to mention the opportunity to interact with upper management on a daily basis (aka getting the big bosses coffee).
Sample Job Wanted Ad
Marketing/Administrative Assistant – Must be a social media marketing guru and equally adept with traditional marketing methods. Must be able to multi-task, operate a 1,000-line phone system, translate Mandarin Chinese, and interpret legal department documents. Ability to understand U.S. tax code is a major plus as is the ability to brew a mean cup of coffee. Should also know CPR for the occasional babysitting assignment. Whiners and excuse makers need not apply. (I actually saw this last line in a real job ad!)
Don’t get me wrong. I realize that times are tough. I know that it is an employer’s market right now and that there are more people than ever looking for jobs. Some people are even looking for second jobs just to stay afloat. That’s exactly why I think ads that are creative, interesting, and possibly even funny are more important than ever. Come on, employers! Don’t you think using a little wooing will snag you more resumes from truly outstanding and motivated candidates?
Here’s one idea I had. Why don’t we handle the hiring process more like dating? Maybe try it like the old newspaper singles ads. Just for kicks, I’ll use myself as an example.
SWF seeks small-to-midsize employer for long-term relationship. I am creative, sometimes funny, purposeful, determined, degreed (BA, MS), proficient in MS Office, Adobe InDesign, and can learn most software quickly. I enjoy writing; designing marketing materials; making presentations to a variety of groups; seeking out and creating partnerships; and helping my supervisor craft his or her speeches.
You are reasonably successful, able to provide decent wages and benefits, and foster a holistic work environment with flexible schedules. You enjoy creativity, independent thinking, and a good sense of humor. You are a non-smoker who promotes a variety of physical fitness programs. You believe in creating a green workplace, sustainable business practices, and corporate social responsibility.
If this sounds like a match made in heaven, please contact me to arrange an interview.
Now, wouldn’t that be much more fun to find a job that way? At the very least, it would be much more entertaining. Maybe someone could even start a company similar to eHarmony to match job seekers and employers!
Okay, I realize that my desire to read creative and interesting job ads is probably impossible due to HR and legal requirements. Still, a self-starting, multitasking, witty writing, quasi-marketing maven can dream, can’t she?
In the meantime, here’s what I would like to see. I would like to see your creative talents at work. Create and submit your own dream job ad or alternatively your worst nightmare job ad right here in the comments. A crack team of judges -- me, Lori, and a circus monkey -- will then select the best submission (possibly, by actually reading them, throwing darts, or maybe accepting bribes-I prefer chocolate). In keeping with our desire to promote sustainable and green lives (as well as a sense of humor), the winner will receive a recycled (gently used) copy of Dave Barry’s Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down inscribed with a personal note of job hunting encouragement from moi!
You have until April 3, 2009 to submit your job ad so put on your thinking caps and start writing! You don’t have to use your real name when submitting in the comments, but we do need your email address so that we can contact you if you are chosen as the winner. Of course, the winner will need to provide us with a mailing address in order to receive the book. Lori and I promise not to sell your email address or use it for any nefarious purposes, but we cannot vouch for the circus monkey, although we doubt he will misuse it either. Good luck and may the “green” force be with you!
WIN IT!
Win Morgan's personal copy of Dave Barry is Not Taking This Sitting Down, inscribed with her words of job hunting encouragement! Write your dream or nightmare job ad and post it in the comments. You may submit as many entries as you wish, but each must be unique and written by you. Please leave an email address! All entries must be received by Friday April 3, 2009. Morgan and Lori will judge all entries and select a winner. Standard contest rules apply.
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